Letting Go, Hospitalisation, and Realisation

“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …”

― Marcus Aurelius

I have posted this as a Thought of The Day earlier…maybe multiple times. I liked the thought a lot. But you have to go through certain experiences to full understand and appreciate certain thoughts. This was one such thought for me.

One of my many problems which I’m fully aware of is being obsessed about something and not being able to let go of it. I burn from within and affect my mental health, physical health and that of my near and dear ones, because of such obsessions/fixations.

I have practically harmed my career and myself because of such matters. And yet it’s difficult for me to let go. My existence and my ego are attached to those things. So, I know that I won’t be fully able to live in true sense till those things are sorted the way I want.

Having said that, sometimes some realisation comes because of certain experiences. You don’t transform, but you may mend, mellow down.

One such experience last week was my first even hospitalisation. I am very weak in terms of tolerating such illnesses. I had never been through any major illness, wound, deficiency so far. So getting hospitalised, that too for 4 days, was too much to cope up with. I could really appreciate the Marcus Aurelius quote in true sense.

After having discharged I feel that it’s a privilege to have a healthy, functional body and mind. I always knew it. But now I have had the first hand experience!

Few good things have happened because of that experience. Now I’m super-focused and have clarity about where I want to focus my energy. It could be a recency effect (because of hangover of hospitalisation), or it could be a transformative paradigm shift — only the time will tell.

However, it’s clear to me that I have changed from within, it’s a different me now. I still won’t let go of the things I have been pursuing. But now my approach is different – it’s that of a lifelong pursuit, and not of achieving it by a certain date or age.

Now I’ll live on my terms; pursue my goals; (re)build my network and truly “live” life.

I can’t say I’m grateful for hospitalisation experience. However, I can say that it turned out to be transformative, which is a good thing for the rest of my life.